Have you ever just stopped and taken a moment to look back at where you were at this point __(Fill-In-The-Blank)_ years ago? Well, that’s me. Right now. At this very moment. Not only am I glancing at the past, I am also looking at my future, pondering oh-so-many questions…
Two years ago, I sat thinking and praying very much the same thing I am now.
Those of you who have read any of my past articles about dating, know that when I turned 18 I felt God impress upon my heart to wait until I was 20.
Well, 20 is here-in ten days, that is-and I feel…well….exactly the same I did on that day- wait, actually, it was night.
Several weeks ago, while doing my Bible study and praying about my future as I com upon “the big” 2-0, and I felt led to a verse that filled me with such an immense amount of hope.
“See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land.”
Song of Songs 2:11-12 (NIV)
I love the imagery it gives.
In my mind I see a girl who has sat and waited out the rains and when she looked out again, in it’s place is a beautiful blue sky and flowers off all kinds-flowers that wouldn’t have grown had the rain not watered the soil and seeds. And as she goes out to look at all the new growth and beauty, she hears a bird singing, and then, she starts to sing. And the farther out she walks, the stronger her voice gets, and pretty soon she is singing a chorus with the rusting leaves clapping their maraca leaves and the birds singing harmony and her feet keeping beat of the very song that is bringing her soul back to life.
And I realize, that that is how I am starting to feel once again. There have been rains through this season, and I know that one day I am going to get to look out my “window” and see that I have endured the “rains” and the flowers have bloomed and there are birds singing. That is what my soul is excited-and longing-for. The day that I can step outside, and say “This is more beautiful than anything that I could have made for myself.”
As I look back, I realize that I am definitely not the person I was, nor was I ready to date when I turned 18-despite the fact that I was. It’s funny how when you look back, you think “Okay, God. It makes sense…now.”
Maybe you have realized that a lot of my recent posts have been about dating and relationships? It seems the closer I’ve gotten to my twentieth birthday, the more I think about all of this. Maybe it’s just natural of someone to think of something more often as they get closer to the event?
Really, though, I’ll be honest with you ladies, waiting two extra years to date has been hard! There have been moments where I desperately wanted to ditch the whole thing and “put myself out there” as it’s said. But, I waited. There have been many times of intense prayer-some of it more of a “Why?! It’s not fair! I Don’t understand!” cry of self-pity.
What I haven’t said before is the one thing God guided me to do in the middle of it-right after my nineteenth birthday last year. That thing? To study and learn about what a real woman of God is. What it looks like in my life. How to be a helpmeet for my future spouse and even a Godly mother for whatever future children I may have.
As I come to the “finish line” of all of this, I hear an ever gentle whisper “Are you willing to wait just a little longer if asked?” and I think to myself, “Well, I’ve waited two years, I think I can wait a little more”. Although, to be honest-I hope a little is actually a little.
I’ll be honest, I don’t know what the future holds. I hold no expectation that once I turn 20 my “Knight in Shining Armour”, but I do know that these last two years have been years on incredible growth for me-and I am so thankful that I hear God’s voice and obeyed.
Ladies, I want to encourage you that if you are in a season where you know God is asking you to give up dating-or anything else, for that matter-it will be a time of wonder and you will be so, incredibly happy and at peace with it all in the end. It’s not always easy going through the season, but just like a diamond, sometimes we need to go through immense heat and pressure to come out to be the perfected diamond that the jeweler intends for us to be.