There he was, standing in front of me. Old and worn-looking. Cold and digging through the garbage.
And there I was, walking into Wal-Mart to get myself a coffee for the drive home.
As I passed him, conviction struck me, telling me to get him something to eat, when I stopped to get my coffee.
Yet, despite the strong conviction I knew I felt, I sat for what seemed like an eternity trying to reason it away.
By the time I finally bought the hamburgers for him and got outside, he was nowhere to be seen, and I felt the pit in my stomach grow as I realized I lost the chance to be the hands and feet of Jesus. To show him the unconditional love he probably so desperately wishes for.
So, I started my drive home. The conviction burning into my mind, and thus, leading me to make myself-and God- a promise; that if ever I felt conviction like that again, I’ll act on it without a moment of hesitation.
As I drove home, I thought to myself how I’ve always said that I want to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I’ve sang the Casting Crowns song as if it were an anthem, and yet, when presented with the opportunity to be just that, I run the other way. I hide. I try to reason it away with thoughts like “well, maybe he’s not actually homeless…”
As the night has progressed, God has used this as a learning opportunity-to learn about his grace and to learn how to extend that same grace to myself, because I’ve sure been beating myself up with guilt-which is why I’m still up at 11:43 PM writing…guilt does some pretty intense things to a person and their mind.
As I’ve sat tying to reconcile with my inaction, I tried to put some worship music on to calm my mind and help me get to sleep, but every song that came on was about being the hands and feet of Christ and letting my light shine…which only made my thoughts swirl all the more fierce.
As the Sunday School song “This Little Light of Mine” came on, a thought came to my mind; How often do we ask God to use us; to let us be his hands and feet, and then, when presented with the opportunity, we try to reason it away or let fear overrule our convictions?
How many songs do we sing in church asking God to use us with lyrics like;
“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior”
“Like a rushing wind
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in meLike a mighty storm
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me”-I Surrender, Hillsong
This is my prayer, that I will never let doubt get in the way of taking action upon a conviction as strong as that which I felt today.
And I pray, that after reading this, my story of conviction, that God will convict your heart of the same thing.
This world doesn’t need doubt or people without conviction, this world needs people who will take action upon their conviction and stand up and help the least of these-just as Jesus called us to.